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. How to heal when life's too much

How to Heal When Life's Too Much:

by Tom Marcoux, America's Communication Coach, www.TomSuperCoach.com

(A FREE Report is available (that includes "The Divine A-ha!") -- fill in form below this article)

My book How to Heal When Life Too Much began when I slept every night at the hospital where my sweetheart was at death's door. And while commuting to the hospital, I was also rear-ended by a truck. The following day, my train derailed as it arrived in San Francisco. I joked with friends, "I'm not getting on a plane this month!" Here is a brief overview (excerpt from the book). We use the acrostic: H.E.A.L.

H - humor
E - energize
A - act
L - listen

1. Humor
Sometimes, we hear, "Well, just humor him. Let him say what he needs to say." We profoundly affect our lives when we listen to our physical and emotion pains. We humor them; that is, we accept them. We say, "Okay, illness I hear you. Hmmm. I imagine that you're telling me to slow down."

My attention was 'grabbed' at the beginning of physical rehabilitation at Stanford Medical Center after the truck struck my car. As the physical therapist manipulated my injured neck area, I felt great sadness and discomfort. I felt quite vulnerable. I could have resisted this. Instead, I paused to experience the situation and told her, "I'm feeling kind of...vulnerable. Like I was a 20 year old who woke up in a 90 year old body."

In this way, I 'humored' the messages of my body and my life. By the way, I did slow down, and I asked my sweetheart's family to help cover more shifts at the hospital. I listened to my body by focusing on the physical therapy and personal exercise sessions as 'my time' to focus on my needs and my body.

Humor and laughter are also lifesavers. Norman Cousins, best-selling author of "Anatomy of an Illness," was diagnosed with an incurable life-threatening illness. He found that 15 minutes of laughter gave him two hours of pain-free sleep. His program, which led to his full recovery, included watching films of Laurel and Hardy, Abbott and Costello and the Marx Brothers. Create comfort and joy. Enjoy opportunities to laugh through interacting with friends and viewing films.

2. Energize
We can energize ourselves by gently reconnecting with our personal dreams. Have you given up on a personal dream? You can reconnect with it. Your spirit leads your body - many times. Imagine a time when you faced doing the dishes, and then a family member suggested seeing a movie at the theater. Suddenly, energy coursed through your veins. Similarly, my clients have devoted merely 15 minutes to a hobby and found their whole day uplifted and brightened. Good nutrition and exercise help you expand your personal energy.

A primary source of energy is found in the process of 'replace fear with love.' For example, when my sweetheart was in the operating room, I turned my tears and fears into a song of positive prayer.

3. Act
When life feels like it's too much, we long for a time when we have no fear and no worries. The solution is to function well even when fear is present. "I have not ceased being fearful, but I have ceased letting fear control me," said Erica Jong, best-selling author of "The Fear of Flying." Another phrase holds, "Do what you fear and the death of fear is certain." Best-selling author Susan Jeffers said, "Feel the fear and do it anyway."

Identify what you really want and take a step toward it. Take action to nurture and care for yourself. Answer this question, "How can I take better care of myself now?" Then, note your answer and take a step towards nurturing yourself. Find the support you need. Many clients complain to therapists, "My mother doesn't... Or my sister doesn't..." Therapists respond, "What? Were you expecting her to do something different? Were you expecting her to change? Who else can give you the support you need?"

A major act towards healing is to 'say no graciously and effectively.' In my book, "Create Time for Yourself" I identified twenty aspects of saying 'no' to pave the way so you can SAY YES to something else. Often it helps to say, "Oh, I'll have to say 'no, thank you' at this time. My plate is full. How about I help you brainstorm about someone who can help you with that...?"

Another healing action is to use music for relaxation and inspiration. As I type this, I am listening to the music soundtrack of RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK (Indiana Jones). The love theme is playing, and I feel at peace. Soon, I will feel the surge of energy provided by the heroic theme. Remember, your subconscious is listening every moment. When I hear the heroic theme of Indiana Jones, I feel heroic, strong and capable.

4. Listen
Listening is crucial to understand life's lessons for us. An old phrase holds, "Life's lessons are repeated in different forms until we learn them." Listen to your body. Does it crave rest? Give it what it needs. Become an expert on healing yourself. If you have some affliction, do some research on the Internet. But remember that statistics can be misused. If a traditional doctor says, "Only two percent of people recover from this," consider that you may be able to nurture yourself and join that two percent. Realize that, spiritually speaking, we really don't know what a particular sickness means in our life - or in the lives of others. That's why I emphasize a concept I call 'healthy humility.' Briefly, healthy humility means to realize that our perceptions may be limited in the moment and that a Higher Power may have a greater good in mind.

When my sweetheart was at death's door in the hospital, she experienced an incredible outpouring of love from friends and family members. She has recovered from major surgery. Certainly, losing an organ was NOT her preference. However, we can learn so much by flowing with life as it comes. During the times when I was forced to slow down due to an illness, I have discovered opportunities to grow in empathy with others who face physical challenges.

Conclusion:
We have tools for working with illness and dis-ease (or unease) in our lives. We have been looking at "how to heal when life's too much." We can help ourselves when we use Humor - then we Energize, Act and Listen. When we feel life's too much, it is often that we're 'too much.' That is, we're too much in a hurry, or too distracted, or we're allowing unhealthy thought-patterns to run us. An old phrase holds, "Some people think the same things they thought last week and a month ago. These people are not living 10 years; they are living one year ten times." The powerful way to heal when life's too much is to stay open and continue searching for new ways to grow and learn. Keep reading, listening to audio programs, and attending workshops and spiritual gatherings. Stop being 'too much' - get out of your own way - enlist the assistance of medical professionals, other healers, spiritual teachers, friends and family members. You can feel better. The best to you. Tom Marcoux (http://www.TomSuperCoach.com )

Copyright 2002 Tom Marcoux and The Tom Marcoux Family Ltd. Partnership

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Tom Marcoux, America's Communication Coach and author of "Communicate to Win: Influence Your Way to Success and Happiness"; "Free Yourself for Success"; "How to Heal When Life's Too Much" is a nationally known, award-winning speaker-author, sales coach, and personal/professional coach. Tom is a member of the National Speakers Association. He speaks for the National Association of Broadcasters Conference, Las Vegas, Nevada (click here for his NAB presentation). He is a guest lecturer in venues California State University - Los Angeles, Stanford University, and De Anza College. His book "Communicate to Win" is a required textbook at Cogswell Polytechnical College, Silicon Valley and in the Cogswell Time Capsule. His private workshops and public seminars have benefited professionals from IBM, The Gap, Charles Schwab, Bank of America, Wells Fargo, Lucent Technologies, Circuit City, The Olive Garden, and many other firms. He authored 10 books which are available on-line at http://www.businessacademy.com Tom is a faculty lecturer on technical communication and digital filmmaking at Cogswell Polytechnical College.

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